What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
