hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
