I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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