and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
