I could have mohawked her pubes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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