this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
