i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
