remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
