The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
