She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
