ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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