I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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