White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
