hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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