The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
