Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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