Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
pray to the hookup gods
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize