Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's blow job season.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Still dying that you shit outside
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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