So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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