Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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