a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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