Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
