is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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