I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
