My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
