Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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