wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
