I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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