cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
