We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
FUCK WHALES
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
