He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
