Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
