if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
