The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
