You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
