So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
