Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
