NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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