who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
