Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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