My Higher Power is John Stamos
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
