dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
