You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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