I could make wine with my vomit
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
