im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
PANTIES FOUND
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