remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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