My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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