The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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