He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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