I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
