Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
