glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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