i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
