there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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