Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He better not be in your backpack
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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