I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
