I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
