my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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