please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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