just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
