you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
