i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
