all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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